Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
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I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
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Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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