Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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