I accidentally burped into my bong.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
