I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
