I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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