Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
