Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
