Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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