Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
