slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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