Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
