I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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