I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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