dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Edward fifth and chaser hands
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
