pedialite and red bull = repair kit
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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