I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
