Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
