Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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