Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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