They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
