I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
