mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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