If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize