I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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