I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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