I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
