I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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