Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
