There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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