You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize