at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
