Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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