If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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