We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
