I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
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And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
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Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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