It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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