a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize