he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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