so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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