doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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