Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
