just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
