i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
