He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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