My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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