i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
