i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
