Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
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I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
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Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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