woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
