Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This baby is an asshole
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
