No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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