Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
