No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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