Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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