I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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