You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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