He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
