I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Holy sore nipples Batman
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I need to calm my uterus...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
