he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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