I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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