While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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