I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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