I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
